Doubtful

I don't know if I can let go, I love you from the start
I was afraid of getting hurt, and hurt you as well
Scared of breaking our friendship, losing you
As doubt reigns on me, it left me silenced

I always wanted to find you, but you're always hiding
I know that I love you, but I can't tell you
I decided to keep silent, as you leave me behind
As doubt reigns on me, you left me all alone

They said I'm a loner, I almost agreed
They said I won't succeed, it left me thinking
They said I don't know anything, I'm stunned
As doubt reigns on me, Hope fades as well

You blinded me with beauty, to you I fall
You gave me true friendship, then take it all
You became close to me, then tore me apart
As you leave me, You're hurting my heart

I love you don't know what to do without you
I love you don't you feel what is true
I love you but I can't say it to you
As you tell me you love someone, still I love you

I must continue my life without you
Trials will be harder and tomorrow will be darker
I must forget about you and move on
Even my heart still beats for you

Love for you conquers me, I can't live without you
If you want me to forget you, I'll try
If you want me to be away, I will
If you want me to forgive, I definitely will
If you want me to stop loving you, that's one thing I will not do
Even death will not make me stop loving you
At first I'm in doubt, now I know you're my love
If ever at the end we are not for each other
At least a part of my heart belongs to you, and a moment of my life I loved you

What Love awaits a fatman?

Full of Disasters, never ending pain
An endless torture, wounds can't heal I gain
The stab to my heart, I feel it once again

Memories you left me, Eyes won't stop on crying
An irreversible damage, Heart is dying
Never can let you go, its so unfair why did you keep on lying

Freedom is unattainable, I'm now imprisoned
Actions made the impact, You're my angel of death
I feel this pain again, Wish I were stronger
Looking at you as you leave, I don't have you any longer
Searching for unwanted sorrow, Sadness finally found me

On the day I met you, My heart filled with hope
Never imagine you could twist me, I was so confuse and can't cope

Lately I wonder what love really is
Only few people knew the true image of this
Victory in the worst possibility, that's love for me
Ending is inevitable, for a man like me fell for it

Because a Fat Man Fails on Love


composed 9-12-06

Something out of another

I lived my life without thinking twice, as of now I'm locked in a middle of thinking about my mistakes and making them right. What you do to yourself will have many results, if you do it correctly you'll be happy and you'll be appreciated but if you do it in a wrong way you'll still be happy because you don't know what is the right way but this time people criticize you, laugh at you and demoralize you.

I really believe the theory that state man is affected by his environment, it may become hostile to them. I agree to that I want to blame those people who criticize me, those people who turned me into a laughing matter. I filled myself with hate, they turned my life into a living hell's kitchen, I were bullied almost every day and I cried every time.

I realize the one to blame is me, if I just love myself more if I just disciplined myself or if I just fought back just once, Maybe I become different , better. All of the things happened good or bad, it's all based from the choices we made, the one that we know is the right thing to do.

We live our life to the best we can, People realizes that every moment of our life is very important. its a borrowed time, a gift from God and all things happens to us only happens once. Every second happens once in you life , even a second will happen once in your life.

Regrets all of us will be having one, it will differ on how you react about it. Life is not about getting neglected its about accepting who we are, how do we look and what we are. Life is not being what other people what you to be, its about loving yourself and that special someone.

I admit I will do anything to return the constant matter back and change the things I want to but time will not turn back, time will not wait for you or do a favor it will just move like a constant value.

I'm starting to lose hope, I'm getting desperate I don't know what to do. They say all things happen for a reason but what reason, I can't find any meaning on what I am right now. I don't know what to do next, I got an answer but I don't know how to use it. In some way my life is wasted maybe because of criticism, wrong accusations and faults but then again I'm the only one to blame.

I heard a phrase in a song that said " Don't hold this inside because what's left can be right ", in a way this words opened my eyes to reality. Now I believe that there's always hope and things can be right, all I need is to accept what is wrong and try to achieve my goal.

I realize that things really happen for a reason, we may question the unknown and get confuse about it. We will go with the unknown existing flow in the right time but for now its our time to live the most wonderful thing there is " Our Life ".