Questions

My mind keeps on wondering what will happen after all of these or where our memories going to be. I think these questions are the ones can't be answered by science or even by mere research work. Death is a defining moment, the last event or some call it the end, but faith taught us that death is not the last event nor the end it's the beginning of eternal life.

Will anyone alive right now can still be alive in the year 25 hundred? What's going to happen when the world really die? I get crazy every time I imagine this, I get scared of what awaits for us in the end because I don't have a certain feeling, an assurance on what's in the after life.

This is why we need to have strong faith, nobody knows about the unknown and there is no basis or evidence that can prove that there is life after death but faith will bring us the calmness we need even after life. Faith to any religion, I'm a catholic but every one of us has there own faith and that faith bring us the assurance, the evidence or basis that we need to believe is not in our eyes but in our hearts and soul.

Well questions, they let me think for a second then I give myself time to find the answer but this questions our some of those we can't answer just yet. I freaked out in times I think of this questions but a prayer can vanish all the fear and regain my strength and faith once more.

I think this life has more meaning than what we can give to it, Life can change or can be constant, Life can begin from another and Life has its own ending. We can't do anything but this endless meaningful event we have right now is the most wonderful thing you will have.

We should not judge life we should cherish life to the very last tense of a second we have. Answers I want from those questions can't be answered, even a thousand research about this all will just end up to a pile of research disapproved by panels on its defense. We all need to be thankful for this life we have right now, We should be thankful for our creator.

All I can say for now is we really need to ask questions, but in life We will just find answers; questions are just mere doubts that keep us as what we are and to sum it all up the time of asking questions is in fact Life itself.

When love caught me

Love caught me I can't deny
The Moment I look into your eye
I don't know what to do when I'm with you
All I know is I love you

Love caught me didn't realize
It was kind of a big surprise
Just amazed how it happen
All I know it was too sudden

Love caught me as you may say
Hope she feel the same way
I begin to wonder the moment I fall
She never even bother to call

Love caught me like a quicksand
Why I even got standing on that land
For I was afraid to hurt her
But promised her I'll be there

Love caught me for the final stanza
A feeling of a mix extravaganza
Every one deserve their own shot
Just be sure to give the best you got

When Love ...

Creating a Difference

In my life i was selected and neglected, I was a friend and an enemy. People come to my life in just a minute and gone after a second. Creating a difference makes me feel happy and sad as well.

A girl created a difference and we had a friendship, she was perfect, I fell for her. After that the chain of our friendship ends I was confused and disappointed but still that girl made a difference in my life. a friend who was there all the time, my inspiration and my source of joy; that friend of mine made a difference even if she broke me and left me, she made a difference.

But most of the time I end up hating that people who broke my heart, I can’t blame anyone but myself for being weak and scared.

For those people who created a difference in my life for now I wanted to say thanks for the memories you gave me, even you encourage me and help me in someway, tell me good things or bad things about me or even those people, who criticize me and demoralize me, you all made a difference in me.

The moments we shared that made me believed that life is so wonderful and sometimes make me wonder why life is so unfair. You all became a part of me, you’re one page of my life book. Sorry for all those times I offended you or hurt you; forgive me for the mistakes, and for all the misunderstandings.

I create a difference I fell so easy. Life is really a one way opportunity no one knows what will come up next. You can have all the success then fall in the next turn but the next turn you must get back to the path of victory.

People may come to your life and break your heart but always remember there are people that will come to fix it. Our lives is a one way destiny it turns when people come to make a difference. We think that we can avoid this but what we don’t know is that before we knew it, they already did.

Create a difference turns a person’s one way opportunity to another direction, it might help that person or not, but it will change that person’s view of what life about is, forever.

Doubtful

I don't know if I can let go, I love you from the start
I was afraid of getting hurt, and hurt you as well
Scared of breaking our friendship, losing you
As doubt reigns on me, it left me silenced

I always wanted to find you, but you're always hiding
I know that I love you, but I can't tell you
I decided to keep silent, as you leave me behind
As doubt reigns on me, you left me all alone

They said I'm a loner, I almost agreed
They said I won't succeed, it left me thinking
They said I don't know anything, I'm stunned
As doubt reigns on me, Hope fades as well

You blinded me with beauty, to you I fall
You gave me true friendship, then take it all
You became close to me, then tore me apart
As you leave me, You're hurting my heart

I love you don't know what to do without you
I love you don't you feel what is true
I love you but I can't say it to you
As you tell me you love someone, still I love you

I must continue my life without you
Trials will be harder and tomorrow will be darker
I must forget about you and move on
Even my heart still beats for you

Love for you conquers me, I can't live without you
If you want me to forget you, I'll try
If you want me to be away, I will
If you want me to forgive, I definitely will
If you want me to stop loving you, that's one thing I will not do
Even death will not make me stop loving you
At first I'm in doubt, now I know you're my love
If ever at the end we are not for each other
At least a part of my heart belongs to you, and a moment of my life I loved you

What Love awaits a fatman?

Full of Disasters, never ending pain
An endless torture, wounds can't heal I gain
The stab to my heart, I feel it once again

Memories you left me, Eyes won't stop on crying
An irreversible damage, Heart is dying
Never can let you go, its so unfair why did you keep on lying

Freedom is unattainable, I'm now imprisoned
Actions made the impact, You're my angel of death
I feel this pain again, Wish I were stronger
Looking at you as you leave, I don't have you any longer
Searching for unwanted sorrow, Sadness finally found me

On the day I met you, My heart filled with hope
Never imagine you could twist me, I was so confuse and can't cope

Lately I wonder what love really is
Only few people knew the true image of this
Victory in the worst possibility, that's love for me
Ending is inevitable, for a man like me fell for it

Because a Fat Man Fails on Love


composed 9-12-06

Something out of another

I lived my life without thinking twice, as of now I'm locked in a middle of thinking about my mistakes and making them right. What you do to yourself will have many results, if you do it correctly you'll be happy and you'll be appreciated but if you do it in a wrong way you'll still be happy because you don't know what is the right way but this time people criticize you, laugh at you and demoralize you.

I really believe the theory that state man is affected by his environment, it may become hostile to them. I agree to that I want to blame those people who criticize me, those people who turned me into a laughing matter. I filled myself with hate, they turned my life into a living hell's kitchen, I were bullied almost every day and I cried every time.

I realize the one to blame is me, if I just love myself more if I just disciplined myself or if I just fought back just once, Maybe I become different , better. All of the things happened good or bad, it's all based from the choices we made, the one that we know is the right thing to do.

We live our life to the best we can, People realizes that every moment of our life is very important. its a borrowed time, a gift from God and all things happens to us only happens once. Every second happens once in you life , even a second will happen once in your life.

Regrets all of us will be having one, it will differ on how you react about it. Life is not about getting neglected its about accepting who we are, how do we look and what we are. Life is not being what other people what you to be, its about loving yourself and that special someone.

I admit I will do anything to return the constant matter back and change the things I want to but time will not turn back, time will not wait for you or do a favor it will just move like a constant value.

I'm starting to lose hope, I'm getting desperate I don't know what to do. They say all things happen for a reason but what reason, I can't find any meaning on what I am right now. I don't know what to do next, I got an answer but I don't know how to use it. In some way my life is wasted maybe because of criticism, wrong accusations and faults but then again I'm the only one to blame.

I heard a phrase in a song that said " Don't hold this inside because what's left can be right ", in a way this words opened my eyes to reality. Now I believe that there's always hope and things can be right, all I need is to accept what is wrong and try to achieve my goal.

I realize that things really happen for a reason, we may question the unknown and get confuse about it. We will go with the unknown existing flow in the right time but for now its our time to live the most wonderful thing there is " Our Life ".

Enlightened

Photographer: BC Shadow
Location: Manila

This shot was taken on March 28,2008 at around 8:30 pm while the 60th Earth hour was going on. The place was dark all main lights on this specific street we're turned off, except for those in the main road including the one in the photo.

I was amaze seeing this street light, I want to take pictures of what nature offers to our eyes. The beauty of this unusual moments, really enjoy taking pictures of those moments. The sky for another matter is such an amazing piece of art, you'll never going to miss a shot whenever you took it to the sky.

Pictures can have different meaning in it, that's why you can tell how the photographer feels through the picture he or she just took. The picture above I took that in a swift, while my dad is driving the van on the way home. We had a great family dinner out and then on the way home, we witness how the world celebrate its Earth hour. It was amazing and scary in some way, seeing those lights turn out resulting to a minimal site of darkness.

Create your own space and reveal what you feel is one phrase I can think off for a photo album. I'm a nurse by profession, I love sports and yes I love photography, well in a way that I'm amazed how people catch those moments of perfection. Moments of true love, friendship, generosity, helping each other during calamity and even a total down emotion of a person and so on.

Photography is a way of life, by means of taking those moments down memory lane and immortalizing it by paper.

Asuna

Picture #1:

Photographer: Enric Joseph Ilagan
Model: Asuna
Breed: Half Mongrel Half St. Bernard
Gender: Female
Characteristics: Eats anything edible, likes to bite her daughter's right leg


Asuna, as we call her derived from "Asunta" given by our dad and "Luna" given by my brother. At first we thought Asuna will grow as big as a St. Bernard because she is a mixed breed but her size didn't progress like that. Although she's not that big as we wanted to, she's very sweet , so beautiful and we love her very much. She never fails to erase our stresses whenever we cuddle her.

She gave birth for the first time on Sept. 11, 2007, 6 puppies all in all we took care of the puppies for 3 months they were cute and sweet like their mom. We decided to give all of them, unfortunately 1 of the puppy died it was inevitable. After a week the puppy we gave to our neighbor got lost and never came back and the 1 I gave to my friend died for unknown reason. There is 1 puppy left no one will like to get her because of her unusual size but we decided to keep her.

Asuna then gave birth for the second time April 15, 2008 there were 4 puppies, we're so happy another set of cute and cuddly puppies. Our father decided to give them all after 3 months, but we leave another one for us and gave the other 3 to the lucky recipients.

After that She gave birth again for the third time October 28, 2008 is the date approximately. Their were 4 cute puppies, we raise them for 3 months and give the 2 puppies, 1 to our Mom's friend and 1 for our brother's classmate. The other 1 died while we're raising them, she got so weak for unknown reason . The last 1 was given to our grandmother, we didn't keep any of them because we already have 4 dogs.

Asuna has a unique bark, there is an annoying sound in every end of her bark.

We think Asuna is ready to give birth once again, She's a good mother to her puppies, She's a great dog, a sweet friend.

Perfect Love

I remember my first day in college almost 3 to 4 years have passed and still the memories are fresh. Our sweet talks, the way we help each other, the smile you always wear, our walk together, the joy your friendship brings to me, our friendship I miss all of it.

When you left me I can't explain the sadness in my heart, the days of joy are gone, your smile vanished, I miss you Jenny.

I remember the first time I saw you I really want to meet you, I want to love you and that certain point of time. I met you while our class is having an activity, I came late so I decide to sit just beside the door. Then you approach me and we had a little chat, after that we became friends I'm so happy that I met you.

We became seatmates we talk to each other in our free time, you became my close friend, you reveal things about you and not telling your friends about it. You share your experience to me and ask my idea or advice about it I can't avoid falling for you. After class we walk together as we go home, I want to hold your hand. We go our separate ways after we cross the main road as you walk away I can't stop looking at you, I want to know your safe and when you look back you smile and wave your goodbye.

One of the most unforgettable memories we had is when we study our lesson together you teach me what you know, and I teach you what I know. I'm inspired whenever you're beside me, I really in to you that time but all we have is friendship. I admired everything about you, your different perception about things, your beauty and simplicity, I want you Jenny.

We became close friends, I know you already notice I'm getting too comfortable with you. I don't want to destroy our friendship, you're my treasure, I love you.

The most unforgettable moment of our friendship happened on my birthday. I celebrate that day with my family at our home, you greet me through text I can't explain how happy I was that day. I never imagine that our last day of friendship has come

The next day I want to talk to you, I want to thank you for making me happy but whenever I try to come closer you ignored me. After that going to school turns out to be normal for me, all I want is to go home. I changed drastically I become impatient, sad, aloof and hot tempered.

My world shreds into pieces, you continue to ignore me and never talk to me, after a few days we talk but not as friends like before but as classmates. We talk about subject matters, projects and assignments assigned to us. I like to ask you why did you do that, I want to blame you but I can't I was so in love with you I can't hurt you I rather blame myself for all this. You then answered my question just once, You told me you start feeling awkward having me around.

I know you felt sorry seeing me like this, I've become different. The truth is its my fault I just can't fight for what I feel, I just can't admit that I like you. I try to accept those things one by one as time passes by. Now I'm hoping I could see you, talk to you, and say sorry and maybe this time you'll let me fight for what I feel.

After that school year I didn't see Jenny until now, I hope I could find her. Everyday I plan to make myself a better person for her. Everyday I think how can I approach her, what will I say to restore our friendship. When we took our separate ways the last time it was so sad it ended with a bad memory, But now I'm living with the good memories we shared, when we're together.

Her name is Jenny, if soul mates were true I hope she is the one for me and if we're not meant for each other, I hope we're meant to be friends forever. I hope that I can tell her what I feel, I can tell her my sorry and thanks. For life is full of unexpected things and I'll be prepared when we meet again. I miss you Jenny, I will find you I know fate will definitely bring you back to me. I love you Ms. Jenny, my Perfect Love

Destroyed

Did you fall in love in the first time you met her eyes?

Did you see anybody except her during that exact moment of time?

Did you feel jealous while another man dance with her?

Did you hate her for not loving you back?

Do you remember the time you fell in love?

The thing I hate about love is the best thing about it, once you fall the only thing you can do is to accept it. When you fall in love it’s the best, whenever you see that special someone, talk to that special someone and think about that special someone; it’s like you’re floating in mid air in amidst of all the barriers you can tell that person everything.

For me it happened on a normal day when we had activity in our class, the chairs were placed in the sides I'm on the right side while she's in the left. The activity goes on as the participants are about to stand I caught her eyes or maybe she caught mine.

That exact moment I can't hear any sounds not even my own heartbeat; I can't see anyone but her as if we are so close to each other, As if I was in another dimension where I got to stand up walk near her and look at her for another 5 minutes or so and when I got back to reality she was staring at me as if she knew something happened inside me. And yeah right! I’m in love

Everybody was asking are you in love with her? Why are shaking when talking to her? Do you like her? Why don't you tell her? Is it true?

A secret won't be keep by 2 or 3 person unless the 2 of 3 or 1 of 2 is dead. Yeah! She heard it but I think she knew it from the time I look at her that activity day. I just don't want to tell her cause I know she'll feel awkward with me. And she did!

Feb 14: I don't have plans just going with it. While in class I heard someone brag I going to give her some flowers later, Wish I got the confidence and the courage he have. After the class everyone became busy buying flowers and stuff and giving it to their special someone, suddenly I heard my friend telling me to give flowers to her I neglect for I believe she won't even accept it.

Quickly I walk outside the school bought some flowers, 2 red roses 1 for my mom and 1 for her. I was waiting near their Home I knew she will be there in a minute or two. People looks at me and laugh some with sweet smile and some with teasing looks. Time pass by I'm getting more tense, what will I say? Will she gladly accept it? What will happen?

She came, she saw me, she saw the flowers and after that she frowned and then walks away slowly as if she didn’t see me. My heart crashed and burn, I don’t know what to say I can’t even move or I think even breath.


I told her slowly here please accept my flowers; She turned back, ignoring me not even saying a word while I shout her name 3 or 4 times. She passed the road and went home ignoring me, leaving me in abyss. I should’ve trusted my instinct I knew she wouldn’t accept this, from a guy like me who would’ve accept flowers for valentines.

After that rain start to fall I have my umbrella ready but I threw it to the ground, I was shock, I knew it all along she will not accept it no matter what, My mind got stuck I had silence in the middle of the road in a public place. I felt everybody is looking at me I wish they feel sorry but on that moment I feel everyone is laughing everyone is making fun of what happen to me. The most embarrassing and most heartbreaking event I had when I was young. Then I went home gave my mom flowers with a tiny smile on my face

I locked myself into my room and think what just happen, well I suddenly realize I was neglect. I have to cry it’s a normal reaction, I have to shout for my emotions to be release and I have to accept everything. I was neglect and definitely “Destroyed ".

After that I became shy whenever she is around, I don't have any courage left neither a word to say when she's in front of me. I really hate her so much, whenever she is around I walk away and then love still reigns I can’t fight it back but I think my I have no chance at all. Then at the prom night, after the ceremony I was seating alone, all my friends were dancing with someone they like. Then someone talked to me, told me that this is your chance this night will be a break for all of us, go get her and take her to the floor. Well I pulled all source of courage left inside of me walked near her and asked her for a dance I stand still until she gave her hand to me, where I'm getting this kind of confidence? I don't know it just pops out of me. Then I was surprise, though with a smirk she grabbed my hand and we went somewhere near the center.

The dance was so perfect the song were great, the ambiance was amazing, she's so beautiful then I tried to talk to her but her friends too loud teasing us. The only thing I heard was "waiting until college". She was a silent type girl, most of the people say a not so popular and attractive girl but I don’t take it, for me she was the most of all of them. Her beauty and the way she speaks make my heart tremble. No wonder I fell in love when that moment I look into her eyes, and I knew after that exact moment she knew I fell for her right away.
I really have a lot of things I regret, things I wish I have done and those things I wish I didn't but you'll just going to regret it when you already did it or the chance to do it passed by. Time is certainly moving in a way no one can stop. Love really moves like time, it’s like in a certain manner but different approach in our lives if we left behind, unnoticed or unattended these kind of opportunities and chances its can make better and in some ways can left us incapacitated in a way, leaving regrets born in our hearts.

I just remember

While thinking what will be my first blog, something hits my mind and it goes just like this.

In a rainy day approximately Aug - Sept. 2006;

I arrive at the college building around 7 am as usual, listen to lectures and as a typical student just want a day to end and just want to get home, sleep and hope for something different and more interesting subject tomorrow.

Around 4pm the sky was dark and the clouds pour rain all over manila, the class ends at 6pm.

We stay at the nearest Internet café, hoping for the rain to stop.

7pm: Rain becomes stronger and we decided to walk our way through it.

When we reach the main road, we were shocked it’s a near to a knee deep flood.

We aboard a public vehicle hoping to get us across to the other side but all alternate ways are flooded and the only way is to walk.

My friend took off his shoes and socks and decided to walk through the flood.

My other friend took off his shoes and socks as well, thinking I may have an open wound in my right toe I decided to walk with my socks and shoes.

We aim to reach the crossroad where public vehicles can pass and there is no flood.

We are 6 blocks away from our destination, it’s the longest walk ever with the flood beneath us and rain above us but I what popped into my mind is “ this is something different “.

as we pass the first block we noticed that the water is getting higher from a knee deep to a leg-deep but we still move on.

We passed the fourth block and we saw a car got stuck in the middle, the flood was waist deep and thank God that was the deepest.

In the fifth block we noticed a man got caught in a hole, we helped him get up and we continue as we are near to the road.

The final block were flood free and we decided to stop by a restaurant for us to clean up.

I get rid of my socks in the bathroom and wash my face, the walk was unbelievable.

After that we took our separate ways and went home

the next day we talk about what happened to us and end up as a laughing matter.

This story is simple but one great experience that’s incredibly unforgettable.

For a Normal day turned to a Walk in a flood and a shower in the rain.

Well for my blog, this is one of the thing " I just remember ".